Saturday, July 28, 2012

Light Bulb!

So I recently found out now that I can work again there's no room for me at my job. :( Great!
I cried and got pissed but now, I'm over it. My brain went into planning mode and I have a great idea for what comes next.
I've been wanting to go back working with kids for awhile. I figured I'd see what kinda schedule I was gonna have and work around that but now I can focus on just that. To be honest just the day b4 I found out I admitted I really didn't want to go back to my old job, I've been gone so long (8mo) it doesn't feel right.
Now that I've taken a look at the silver lining I realize I'm being set up perfectly for what I want. I know God will work something out. It looked dark but now I see I was actually done a favor. I didn't know how I was gonna tell my boss I was quitting just 6mo after being back but now I don't have to.
So here's the revised plan (which happens to be easier)...
*get organized
*get a job working with kids (preferably 0-5yrs)
*take care of car and bills
*find where I want to move (need to start making trips to Seymour)
*get into an exercise regiment
*finalize paper work and purchase supplies to start inseminating
*get school in order for Aug '13
*move
*have baby
*live happily ever after :)
Not exactly in this order but that's the gist of it. Some things will be done simultaneously and others need something done first b4 they can be completed. I've been given a huge opportunity here and I plan to take full advantage. My faith has been restored anew and I'm in it to win it. So excited for my (hopefully soon "our") future!
It rained a lil yesterday (Mr X said no, no job), but the sun is definitely out today. Thank you God.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Second Thoughts

Ok originally I was thinking of a white and black mixed baby but lately have been have second thoughts.
What about Asian?...
I'm so mixed I'm really only missing Asian and Hispanic. My cousin is Dominican so why not Asian. I've always seen myself with mixed children honestly.
Including some Afro-Asian baby pics. <3 Adorable!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

A New Day

Woke this morning with a lil anger to go with my coffee. Angry at d at my situation at myself... what's another few drops in the bucket right?
Trying to forget last night and move on ASAP. How do I let go of so much? Mr. X, bless his heart, deserves none of my ill feelings. I feel like everything is being buried in a shallow grave and is bound to break the surface. Nothing ever really gets put to rest. Nothing ever crosses over, I've got so much that's been covered up (repressed) I could start my own haunted graveyard.
I'm not trying to bitch and moan, whine like a child who can't have their way, but I want to so bad. I apologize for all my ranting/venting. I don't want to feel this way. This just sets me back so much time wise and financially (not talking about cs). Fighting feeling defeated, everyday is a new day.

Frustrated!!!

Somebody shoot me. Mr. X said no. Grr! I'm reasonable enough to know I intended on doing this on my own and asked him as a joke but damn it sounded good. I want to cry and be pissed and hate the world but damn it if I don't know better.

God just once I wish I could be irrational irresponsible throw a fucking fit but no. I'm an adult and my great up bringing makes me want to act like one. My insides are violently twisting in frustration in an attempt to protest my maturity and throw a fit for me.

I hate this. I can't be mad, I have no right to be. I didn't think he'd do it anyway (hence the joke). This is why I don't ask questions I think I know the answer to, I'm usually right.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Drunken Idiots!

OMG fucking idiots! I HATE being mom and babysitting grown asses cus they are too drunk to take care of themselves. Its bad enough I'm DD but I've got to watch you and keep up with you too. I want a kid (more than anything and ASAP) but I don't need your adult self acting like one. That's not cute nor is it the kind of "practice" I need or desire.

I'm giving you a ride a place to crash my company I mean really?!?  Cut me a break. Pass the fuck out already cus I'm tired and sober and over the BS.

Did I mention he brought his friend who is also drunk but is like the best company right now. Polite respectful having a ball drunk off his ass but keeping his shit in check. Why can't more ppl be like this when drunk?

Ugh! Sorry for the rant/vent. Its not d, he's actually being well behaved. The fact that he too is drunk is almost lost on me. He's being a good host and other than moving slow he hasn't caused me any issues. Oh well, I'm home and going to bed. The "baby" is sleep so "mama" is going to bed now. (@ 3am!)

Monday, July 16, 2012

It Feels Like Forever

Ok it’s been forever and I feel like all I've done is run around and do stuff for other people. What about me? Oh well.

There apparently seem to babies EVERYWHERE! My cousin, an old friend, like 4 FB friends are due soon, a couple are newly pregnant and most of them already have a little one. Or a couple lo's.
I'm just ready for my turn. Funny because, for right now, I'm not having sex. I got some more immediate things to take care of. Like my car. And Mr. X hasn't made a decision yet so I have to wait anyway. At least I go back to work soon but I'm almost not looking forward to it. I want to work with kids, and I'm a different person now. A lot can happen in 6 mos. A lot has happened.

I'm entering a new stage in my life and my old job just doesn't seem to fit anymore. I need the money though so I guess for now it'll do.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Happy 4th!

My life has way too much going on. Lightning hit the tree in my backyard, the tree took out the powerlines. Had to stay with my mom for 4 days! Finally back home.

Getting a car! Looked at a couple so far and found one I really like hoping I can get it. Keeping it short cus I don't feel well.