Marry Me

I feel the tide turning...getting wrapped up in the m word since I've all but given up on the b word. Its obvious that ® isn't ready but he's still thinking about. I just want to get it over with so a part of me can stop feeling off and worried and insecure i guess. Doesn't really matter cus the things that should change won't. I've been down this road b4. I want to just sit back and see what happens but a part of me is getting excited and aggressive. Im doomed to make things bad. I feel like Im about to learn the hard way what happens when you back a bull into a corner. Curse of being ready and almost desperate. Not desperate to get married but desperate not to get hurt or worse. Now would be the worst time to abandon me and i almost feel like i deserve it. I've been on borrowed time with how happy ive been. Im trying real hard to enjoy my time and existence. I can honestly say id be settling for less than perfection but at the same time i choose him. Im not where i want to be either. I don't want perfect i just want to be happy with the one i love. And i want to do it the right way. All good things come to an end tho. It won't get that far and I'll be the one who suffers most. Im just trying to beat the clock Idk. I want ® but that just usually means i won't get him.

Im Nobody

I guess i don't know what the fuck Im talking about. Its not literally my job to raise and teach children. I haven't been doing this all my life or anything. Seriously...some times i question myself wondering why i bother. You got a bm who isn't over you still wants you who thinks you still love her romantically. Plus you're telling her after almost a yr you're still on the fence about your gf. Topped with smart children who live with bm and know way too much in general and all of how bm feels. You're asking for trouble. Im just supposed to be separate from them huh? Fine. Good luck with that cus Im only gonna be separate if Im not there. Shit like this just makes me want to be out. I've been warning about this but Im nobody. Bm talking about she want some time and conversation...wtf that gotta do with your kids. Your kids talking about they want you and Bm back together after almost 2yr of y'all not being together wtf that gotta do with them spending time with you? Nothing but they think it does. I feel like i don't belong here. I see so much wrong with this picture and i can't do Shit to help...Im nobody.