Disappointed

To be 100% I made a mistake. I wanted something different and shoulda stuck with it but I didn't and I can't undo the past. At the end of the day you're responsible for you're own actions, good or bad, so I can't get mad if I miss out on something i coulda had...

I need to just face facts!
*I've been giving the milk cream and chz away for free: can't except 'em to want to buy the cow.
*There are now children involved.
*I'm in love.
*I don't run/control/lead shit in this situation.
*I may never marry this man due to me being me.
*This spot I'm in is my fault.
*I'm almost 30.

Its just hard to be thankful, sometimes, for what I do have when I know what I could have. I made a choice, I'll live with it. Is there ever a time when you have to give up what you have cus its not what you want even when its your fault? Wish I could go back, I'd do it right. I'm disappointed in myself. I think I really messed up and I can't fix it just learn from it...I thought I learned this lesson already! Shit :(

Love Who?

It is clear you don't know what love is. How can you say you love me but you won't even kiss me. How can you love me when the more you see me in pain the less it bothers you. You say you want to get married but you don't know yet, I'm too me and not sexin enough. But you love me enough for no means no don't you? You don't talk to me, you don't like me, you barely respect me...you're unsatisfied with you and somehow Ive fault for it. You love money, music, your kids, not me. When your go to solution for any problem is breaking up, you're just looking for a good enough reason. I wish I could give it to you, the space you want, but I'm kinda stuck here for now. I don't feel loved, I don't see it, and at this point I don't want it. I just wish I didn't love you so much. Love is not something you just feel, it's something you do, and its not sex....so you love who? You love the shit outta me right, want to make me understand, funny how I only hear it when you think you're in trouble or you're trying to stay outta it. You seem so upset when I say it. Who would ever want to end up with me anyway? Doesn't matter that I look good now (according to you I didn't before) not enough to keep you, but you're never satisfied anyway...