Birdie Inspired Update

So a little birdie told me today that they actually read my blog. (Thanks S) I have kinda updated the ladies on NW's forum and some things have changed in the week since my last post so I figured I'd get everyone up to speed. I still have not received my settlement but unfortunately it looks like it might not be where me and my lawyer originally thought that it would be. This definitely affects all of my plans and I may have to come up with a plan D E & F at this point. As of right now because nothing is finalized I am still hoping to move to Columbus and become an SMBC. Due to the current change of events however I may not be able to do 1 the other or either so of course ttcing has been put on hold until further notice. Scary as it sounds I may not actually even have the funds to move somewhere within my current city making me broke and homeless. Of course I can always stay with family until I get some funds but I'm trying to avoid that at all costs. I have been against finding a job in Indianapolis right now because I wanted to move out of the city but I think I'm going to go ahead and break down and find something just in case. It's amazing what can happen in 7 days. It's sad that I was hit by a truck and may end up with less money than I had the day I was struck but at least my medical bills will be taken care of as well as my lawyer, go figure. Now I find myself hoping for the best and preparing for the worst but thankfully I have some idea of where to go from here. At least finding a job and a place to stay in my hometown will be a lot easier and if I can find something soon I may be back on track to try early 2013. Last cycle was all over the place being at a record short of 25 days and I o'ed 2 days early. Even if I had 1,000,000 dollars right now there's no way I'd be able to insem this month as I ovulate Christmas Day! I wanted to keep tracking anyway so I'd still be inseming sometime around January or February without all the new hassles of my settlement issue. Realistically I'm probably looking at March or April at the earliest because I still have to move. I think staying in our hometown will actually work out a little better at least for right now because BM will have a better chance of coming with me, as she's been worried about money issues too. It's still out of my hands and I'm just preparing and waiting to see what happens. Who knows $anta might give me a good gift this year. Thank you all who read my blog and please send prayers good wishes and baby dust my way. Have a good holiday if I don't post by Xmas.

Back to Basics

Oh my it has been far too long. I have found myself mentally back where I started. I am leaving the ultimate decision up to God. Depending on my settlement I'll be going with plan A B or C. I still very much want to go to Columbus and be a mom but I'm taking it outta my hands. I am going to start a vlog on YouTube if I indeed become a smbc. I've been doing all kinds of thinking and I'm just super excited about the future. Other than that things are just kinda slow. It is officially the second week in December and by the new yr things should be rolling. It coming close but I'm trying to stay faithful. I wish I had more the say but really life is just day to day. Need to start doing something's for moving like going through the boxes in the attic. I'm a lil behind on my timeline but some things I just can't do yet. Hopefully I'll have some news to share and progress to report in a week or so. Also I wanted to share that I've joined pintrest and I love it! Can't wait to start using it at the new place. Oh and I finally got my tat colored. Blue snowflakes on my leg, so pretty.

Relieved

ok so after my long rant i had a nice long talk with my parents. my mom didnt realize i needed her to tell me it was ok to do this even if she didnt agree. after that was established it was smooth sailing. my dad just doesnt want to lose his little girl and doesnt agree with the way im doing it but again has given me the ok. i feel so much better like SO much better! i still think my mother has some selfish reasons and my dad was wrong for laughing but they gave me the ok. i have also made a visit to columbus again with baby mama and she loved it! i love it and im so excited. i want to move forward and i want everything to finally come down the pipe so i can get started. been haveing some issues with my opks (4 days of positives and counting) but im pretty sure ive ovulated and it was within a normal time period so i think im still ok. this is short i know but there isnt really much to say. im in the waiting game right now so the rest is just life as normal. d is still getting on my nerves lol and im still in flux with my settlement and so everything just seems to be stuck in the pipes but i keep moving. i try to stay positive and i find myself talking about my soon to be new start like its gonna happen with confidence i hadnt before. im claiming a girl and keeping hope that everything will work out as i planned. i have already named my girl Izabella Josafín and honestly have no idea what im gonna name him if i have a boy but i dont really have to worry about either for a like 6-8months and thats if im lucky lol. all in all i feel like its coming you know like its just around the corner and i just need to hold on a lil more.

Feedback They Can Take Back

Warning this is a long angry vent...  But it ends well.

ok so im in a fb group for smbc's and a lady posted about having some negativity coming from f&f (friends and family) and it got me thinking. this is killing me. i dont seem to have any fans for this decision to have a child. i plan to move soon and no one seems to be  thrilled about that either. i feel like im going against nature or something the way my f&f are acting. my dad originally didnt seem to have an issue when i told him but when i mentioned it to him again he literally laughed at me as if just the thought was so preposterous it brought about amusement. he joked about it being delivered to my door (not a cute stork joke either) he made comments about me not using a "black" donor and basically just made the whole thing sound ridiculous. my mother has a hard time with it because she struggled as a single parent and pretty much sees it as me purposely making her "mistakes". being a single mother on purpose without a man is inconceivable for her. friends think im crazy or want to tell me to wait, wait till im older wait on a partner wait to be married wait for them to wrap their heads around the idea wait to come to my senses. there are only about 3 people who say do whats gonna make me happy but even they tell me they think its a bad idea or to consider waiting or something along those lines. the ladies of my forums seem to be the only ones who understand how i feel about having a baby. im sure some of them even think i should wait but at least they understand wanting this so badly. i just want some one to say that this is a great idea and im doing a good thing. unfortunately hearing it from them just isnt the same as having that support and encouragement from f&f. with my dad i almost cried right there at the table and he didnt even notice. i felt about a millimeter tall. he was pretty much the main one who didnt lecture me or any of that but i guess he just didnt think i was serious so he didnt care enough to really say something. he had forgot and once he saw i was serious it was open season on my heart. i couldnt cry cus he just would have laughed more. hes mr army man tough guy. just cus you got a p*ssy doesnt mean you have to be one. hes the only person who ever told me to stop crying and suck it up. i was 7 and he only did it once but i swear i will never forget. who tells a little girl to stop crying especially when i was crying cus him and my mom were arguing and i couldnt get them to stop and i wasnt loud enough to yell over them. thats my childhood and ppl wonder why i want to use a sperm bank. him and my mom are still in and out of cs court and my sister will be 19 in march. thats why i told mr x even if he had said yes and wanted to be full on daddy i didnt want his money. eh i dont know. i dont think my family will be there even after i have the kid i dont know. im not naive i know i cant do it 100% by myself but i feel like im gonna have to build a network/family/support system and i dont trust ppl like that. not anymore and not with my child. has anyone else dealt with or are dealing with something similar? please tell me im not alone and that wanting this/doing this is ok. the reason i have little to no support system is cus instead of having an open mind everyone jumps to lecturing me or giving me their opinion or telling me what THEY would or wouldnt do. my ex basically did the same thing. he'll f*ck me give me a kid and say he will take care of the kid and be with me but what happens when i actually get preggers? how you gonna take care of my baby when youre not doing for the ones you have? smh and then turn on me when say i dont want to do it that way or deal with you possibly changing your mind. the things guys will say to f*ck i swear. i feel like they think im dumb or easily swoon cus they say theyll be my bd. if im telling you i dont want a relationship nor a baby daddy what makes you think promising those things will get me to let you f*ck. they dont listen and im not some cookie cutter b*tch who falls for that shit. i actually had a friend tell me to find some random guy and just not tell him or find a guy who will just fuck knowing and not care. i asked her why would i want to set someone up or fuck some guy who is a stranger but down to fuck knowing its to make a baby and not care? she said cus its cheaper. i wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. she was serious. shes also the one who literally called me crazy. my mom keeps trying to find me a job in nap even tho im moving in a couple months and hinting at the fact that she doesnt know when i plan on inseming... why do you care mom? she told me one of the reasons she doesnt want me to do it is cus she doesnt want to take care of my child if something happens to me. thanks mom. 

the lighter side... because of all the negative i am gonna do my best to do whatever the hell i want. im learning and i see now that i cant please everyone and everyone seems to want the opposite of what i want. i cant believe it has literally come down to them vs me... they wont win this time. i will not be miserable for the sake of everyones opinion. i know this as been brought up before but for those who dont know, this is a tough process and for me its just getting started. once i start inseming that opens up a whole new section of this maze of emotions im in. i pray once the deed is done and im good and pregnant things will settle and ppl will come around but if it doesnt go that way ive got a plan. i always do and im prepared to build whatever i need to make this work wether it be a home or a support system. i leave you with this: you cant make everyone happy you cant please everyone you cant take care of everyone but at the end of the day if youre not happy if youre not pleased if you arent taking care of you then you are no good to anyone. its not selfish to want things for yourself and go after them. its not wrong to do want or believe something others may not. its not fair for you to feel like you are obligated to meet the needs of everyone but yourself. do what you can for others but dont forget yourself.

The Fourth Trimester – AKA: Why Your Newborn is Only Happy in Your Arms.

Saw this and had to share. This lady makes so great points. I've been considering baby wearing and co-sleeping but the only seemed popular for such a small group of moms tho a couple are becoming more mainstream. I'm glad to know I was thinking in the right direction. Its not for everyone but I'm sure most babies would love this. Enjoy.

http://babycalm.wordpress.com/2012/07/06/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-is-only-happy-in-your-arms-30/

My research is never done lol.

What's Going On

So its been forever since i have updated...

Sorry I've been busy. I am finally making another trip to Columbus with baby mama! yay! Tuesday we are headed down to check everything out and hopefully get some things in place. I still haven't found a job ;( but i have been tutoring a lil to make some cash. i was also able to talk to someone who was able to let me talk with my passed grandparents (yes i believe in that) but unfortunately they are about the same as everyone else. My papa basically said do what makes you happy and my granny would prefer i stay where i am. i think I'm just gonna quit looking for someone to say "that sounds like a great idea" and just do it anyway. No one is gonna be excited about what society says is about the worst idea ever (having a baby alone on purpose) and i need to just except that and move on. i still feel like I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack on a semi regular basis but i think that's just my own personal fear of truly having to do this with everyone telling me not to. Only a few are saying do what makes you happy but even they don't think its a good idea. I'm struggling but I'm forcing myself to only worry about me.

ttc update: i am just a couple days from af and have done all my tracking for this cycle and I'm up in arms over it. i never got a positive opk and according to my temps i o'ed 3 days later than expected. I'm hoping this next cycle will be better. just waiting on af now. December is still on for inseming.

Peace and Serenity

I have been having a hard time deciding between what I want and what everyone else wants. I am always trying to keep everyone happy and that usually consists of forgetting about what I want. I think that might be partially why I still don't feel like an adult, I've been trapped in the ppl pleasing mode of adolescents. I'm 25 and I'm ready to stand on my own feet instead of rest on the approval of others. I'm such an independent person I never grasped being selfish like the rest of the world. Well its about damn time! I'm doing this and as far as anyone who doesn't approve (as M would say) f*ck 'em! You can't make everyone happy. I thought I had but then I realized the most important person I'm my life was miserable, me.

I feel so much better now. I am so at peace with my choice. I am buying a home, moving outta the city, and having a baby! Some people might not like it but its what I want and it'll make me happy. For once that's all that matters.

Home

I have felt like I wanted to go home for awhile now. Home meaning heaven/haven. Somewhere I felt safe, somewhere I could call sanctuary. I realize that's what I've been trying to build. That's why I've been doing all this planning and research. I'm not ready for heaven but I can still go home. Home may be where the heart is but my heart is in this. I feel as tho so much is at stake that I'm bound to fail. I can't fail, I need this, I need to go home.

Freaked

Yesterday marked the last day of riding the Red Dragon. Today I start temping and opks start CD 10! I'm excited to be finally on top of things and using all the stuffs I bought. For this cycle I'll be sure to share what I find and all that funness.

On a different note, I'm getting nervous/anxious about moving and a baby and my life really. I'm physically affected when I think about how close everything is cutting it. I wanted to be more prepared, yet I'm right on schedule. Hell lets face it I'm ahead of the game. So why am I so panicked? Why do I have such a lack of faith in myself? I know if just jump, my God will catch me, it'll be ok.

My bff, who I <3 dearly and has always been there for me, said something about how long all this planning has taken and everything that has been in the way before. That got me thinking, its like now that I can see the cliff my go to reflex is to retreat. But every day I'm still researching, still stepping in that direction. Part of me has been terrified and I honestly haven't noticed in a while. Soon I'll have to jump or go back and going back isn't an option. I'm too close to not try. I mean its my dream I'm going after, I have to try. Don't I?

Blessings

I feel like in my last post I was being ungreatful. I really am blessed y'all, and I know it. I was hit by a truck and survived, my lawyer thinks we can reach a settlement early November (just in time), my best friend is on a big adventure yet I still get to talk to them often, I have everything I need to start tracking and CD 1 is today (;D yay!), bm has convinced me of her commitment to this plan with me, and I have an interview next Wednesday for what seems like a dream job. Things seem to finally be looking up and really do feel so thankful. I think I've even picked out the car I want, Saturn Ion 2/3 quad coupe 2005-7, I'm narrowing down floor plans, I've even started paying off my student loans. I feel like I can really do this and do it well. I'm tired of not doing my best. I am my own worst enemy, becoming my greatest ally.

Ttc update: Today is CD 1 of my 1/3 super tracking cycles. I will be taking my prenatal and naproxen, cramps. Cold Turkey no smoking and temping start CD 6. (Considering temping during mensus, hmmm. Thoughts?) I have a few more things I want/need to get but I've got time.

What Happened?

I was having a good couple of days but right now I just want to cry. D is hanging out with his friend tonight. That doesn't bother me, what bothers me is that I was hit by a truck and was injured, spent the majority of this yr dealing with that AND having my heart ripped out and treated like shit by D. I've bailed his ass out financially and legally and took the time/made the effort to affect him as lil as possible emotionally. I've been through hell and back and find myself jobless damn near friendless no social life no money still doing everything for everyone but myself and I'm the one broke on a Saturday night bored as hell while D who has it so easy and deserves nothing he has is living it up. It's not fair. Why isn't karma kicking his ass? He's spoiled selfish ungreatful immature lazy irresposible untrustworthy unreliable and greedy. I'm none of these things yet its like he f**ks up and I get his consequences. I'm paying for his mistakes. I'm the one he screwed over hurt betrayed lied to tortured (the list continues) why am I being punished and him rewarded? I sacrifice (give him his way) just to make my life a lil easier and he won't even do what he's supposed to let alone anything extra that might benefit someone other than himself. I feel like had I died instead of just been hurt by this time my mom would probably be the only one who still thought about me. Well and D but mostly cus he'd finally realize all that I actually do. Sorry for the rant/vent, pms is starting and honestly I think I could be mildly bipolar. The better the day the harder the fall the next. Most days are neutral but ups are always followed by Downs and Downs always take time to get back neutral.

Post-Experiment

It came in the mail and I just couldn't wait. I have seen "the light", my cervix that is. My roomie took the pic (so not what he expected but he was helpful). I still say if inseming alone don't use the speculum cus you wont be able to see what you're doing but if you can prop up the light you can definitely see. My phone didn't take the best pic but you can see the opening. I'm CD19/27 so I am not ovulating.

What I did:
*laying on my back I propped up my hips with a pillow
*lightly lubed the outside of the spec
*inserted slowly sideways until all the way in
*rotated it slowly to the right position (handles up) this felt a lil uncomfortable but did not hurt.
*opened it slowly until fully open (again should not be painful)
*mine has a screw lock so I screwed it until locked in the open position
*at this point I grabbed the mirror and flashlight. Point the light inside will holding the mirror in the other hand. If you see a pink doughnut thats it. I found it almost impossible to take a pic myself but if you sit up a lil it might help.

To remove loosen the lock and slowly slide out. Remember to clean your spec after each use. Happy hunting.

*Note: the pic I sideways not my cervix*

Christmas in September?

So like I said before I ordered some things online to get my ttc charting/tracking started and guess what? They're here! This is everything I have now to get started. And the green lantern thing is a pic of my saliva in the scope. I heard it helps to look at the days side by side so I figured out how to take a pic with my phone so I can share. Next is to figure out the cervix pic... dum bum bum! Wish me luck.

Bounce Back

So I received an email today from someone who used my top choice donor. They got a bfp first try!...BUT their DD has lots of medical problems and allergies. I'm scared now so I've taken him off my list. Also as an Asian lady with an Asian donor her DD does not look Asian. The lady thinks he may actually have mixed decent. So now I'm back to white but that's ok. I did some research and I think I've found a new top pick and backup. Took me about an hr to narrow the choice. I started with a search for only the 5 races I'm mixed with then all blood types other that the o's. Out of the 25 left more than half were limited.

Life has its ups and downs and just when you think you got it expect a curve ball. I've decided to live life to the fullest and each day like its my last. The sun always rises again. If life knocks you down, bounce back.

Pre-Experiment

I once said you didn't need a speculum if doing in home inseming alone because you cant bend that way, well I found one on eBay for a lot cheaper than I expected so I am purchasing it to see if I can in fact bend that way. I believe that if I can get a magnified mirror I will be able to see my cervix and its position. I still do not recommend using it while actually inseming (I'll get to that) but for just viewing I think it may actually be beneficial. I hope to receive it in the mail in about a week then after "playing with myself" I will post again explaining what I did and my thoughts. I'm excited especially since I have never seen my cervix and therefore have never been able to track it. I'm purposely going over kill on all the tracking to A. give myself the best chance and B. cover all the basis for anyone interested. Temping seems difficult for some women to keep up with but if I can figure this out maybe someone will have a better chance of tracking o. Fx (fingers crossed) that I find some kind of way to figure this out. Wish me luck.

 

To be continued…

Thunderstorms

Thunderstorms are probably my favorite thing to watch listen think and sleep to. Tonight there is a great one and I cant help but fear and admire it. I have an appreciation for how things work out, how the planet seems to take care of itself without any help from us. Actually all the things we do seem to just interfere.

I think I’m going Carrie underwood style and letting go. “Jesus Take The Wheel” is a great song with a great message. It’s all about faith. I know what direction I want to go in and I will be doing things to go in that direction, faith without works is dead, but what ever is not in my power I’m letting go and letting God. If it is his will it will be done. I want the things I’m going after and I feel I’m on the right path.

Update: I think I have found my new home! Cannot wait to go visit this city and hopefully fall in love. It is a lil further north than I’d like to go but it will do. I also have decided that I am going to get a manufactured (mobile) home. “Trailer parks” or mobile home parks as they call them today are not what they used to be. It’s like a cross between an apartment and a house that you can take with you wherever you’d like to go.  I have some I’ve been looking at and I’m currently looking for more. So far what I’ve found is awesome but I still am not 100% on whether or not I’m going to buy new buy used or rent or rent to own… ugh so many choices. I want to establish some permanency and stability for my child but I don’t want to jump into something I’m going to get stuck into that wont work. Being and adult is hard! Who didn’t know that though right? Anyway I am excited to be started in a new direction. Also the ttcing should hopefully start by Dec of this year. I missed this cycle but hopefully will be getting supplies for all that so I can start tracking my cycle. I want to get three cycles tracked and have missed this one but just realized I actually o twice in October. So three cycles then the big race! Ordering my things tomorrow so hopefully I will have them by the end of next week. I also need to start my prenatal. Feels great having something to actually do towards this goal. Read my birthday profile and it basically told me to slow down which makes perfect sense cus I’ve been catching myself saying I cant wait to move I cant wait to get outta here and I need to take care of the small things before I deal with the big ones. The devil is in the details. Slow and steady wins the race. Crawl before you walk. All of that good stuff, I don’t mean to be impatient. Good practice for all, for patience is a virtue.   

10 Step Recipe to Make a Baby

I know this is a long time coming since it's the road I'm taking I should have done this a long time ago but here it is finally a step by step on in home inseming. I did find a website that explains it awesomely but mine will be specifically for in home alone ICI inseming with NW cryo bank. Something I can share with my fellow ttcers and so all of you out there can know exactly what I'm doing and maybe just maybe this might help someone out in their own ttc journey.

What you will need:

*sperm (duh)- this will come in your dewar from NW straight to your house and here is the link form the NW forum that will take you step by step from its contents to when your specimen is ready to be used. I don't think I could have done as good of a job so I'm taking you straight to the source. http://iamtryingtoconceive.com/topic/15815/pictures-of-dewer-nw-instructions-and-supplies/

*an instead cup- this is optional but I will be using one. This will help everything stay where it belongs for a little while and takes out the laying/sitting time after the actual insem but I will cover this too since I'm being super careful and will be doing both for at least my first insem. (yes it may take more than one try and yes I may do this again if the right one hasn't come along after a few yrs cus I want 2 lo no more than 4-7yrs apart.)

*a needleless syringe- you can get one with a needle if you prefer, to get every last bit of semen out the container but do not I repeat DO NOT stick the needle inside you. You can use a normal medicine syringe but it must have a plunger and please get a new one. Don't try to just clean the one from your kids cough meds. One that is 4" or longer and 3mm will be best.

*preseed- this is a sperm-friendly lubricant that is just awesome. You can use any conception aid lube but I recommend preseed. Do not use regular lube. It will kill the sperm and mess with your natural ph balance. Even if it doesn't kill them they can't swim through it and I don't know about you but I don't have $200+ (yes one little and I mean little vial cost that much) to throw away cus of a $2 tube of lube.

*a vibrater or other clitoral stimulator to induce orgasm- I know this sounds weird but there is a great debate on to cum or not to cum. The spasms of the vaginal muscles when orgasming help pull in the sperm deeper to get them where they need to be. Since this is not technically necessary some women especially ones going this route don't cum and go on to get pregnant and have healthy babies. I personally feel it'd be taking out one of the best parts of conceiving and if it'll help, even better. Notice I did say "clitoral" this is because sticking something inside can not only contaminate the sperm but actually pull them out and we don't want that. This is of course optional as well.

*pillow- this is to prop your hips up during and after inseming.

*gloves- winter ones not latex ones. This is to aid in getting the sperm out of the dewar because it is literally freezing cold.

*time- time to insem time to relax time for thawing (sperm will be frozen and MUST thaw first)

Prep time- In this time you can make sure everything is within reach and clean and ready to go. Also if you don't have much cm or just want to give the little guys a good head start in the big race you can insert a little preseed inside you using the provided syringe from the preseed box. (Note: this syringe is not suitable for inseming as it doesn't have a nozzle on the end and does not actually have suction to pull up the sperm. These syringes actually screw on to the preseed bottle and you squeeze the preseed into it.) If doing this (I probably will be) per box instructions wait about 15-30 mins b4 inseming. Doing this before you start to thaw is ideal. (2birds 1stone) The box will tell you to use a full syringe but this is WAY too much. About a quarter to a third should due. You will need about 10 min. or so for the sperm to thaw. Since it was frozen you'll need to warm it to body temp after it thaws, do this by placing it in your bra a few mins or holding it in your hand.

Now that you're prepped and ready it's time to cook. Keep in mind frozen sperm only lives about 24hrs or so after thawing and it takes about 12hrs for the sperm to reach the egg when starting from outside the cervix. You will want to time it so that you're not missing the mark cus you forgot to prep or "shot up" too early in your cycle.

Directions:

Step 1- fill the syringe with air (just pull the plunger back) and release (push it back in) this will help create a good tight seal and give you an idea of how hard you have to pull back and push forward.

2- This time pull just a little preseed into the syringe. This will make sure that when you get to the end all the sperm is in you and none is left behind.

3- Pull in all the sperm into the syringe right on top of the preseed. If you get most of it in the syringe you should be ok. This is the time having the needle on the syringe will come in handy.

4- (Especially if you still have the needle on) suck up a little more preseed. This will get all the swimmers out the needle and give you a little wiggle room for step 6.

5- Take the needle off the syringe. If it doesn't have one, skip this step.

6- Tap any air bubbles out of the syringe. Do this by slowly rotating the syringe so that it is facing nozzle up plunger down. Flicking it with your finger or LIGHTLY tapping it on something should bring any air bubbles to the top (nozzle). Push the plunger in just enough to get the air out without spilling over. If a little comes out that's ok cus it's just preseed. See what I meant about that wiggle room? ;)

7- Get into position either on your back (best) or on your side. Place the pillow just under the small of your back and butt. This should feel pretty comfortable with your knees up.

(This is where you need to pay attention and follow directions carefully)

8a- if you are just not comfortable putting the syringe directly in you, you can squirt its contents into the instead cup and place the cup inside, per directions on the box, just over your cervix.

8b- insert the syringe just in front of your cervix (if you're not sure where that is basically don't poke yourself or force the syringe in deep)and slowly expel the contents inside you (without moving the syringe, just the plunger). The goal is to coat your cervix with the semen. 

8c- (best of both worlds) follow 8b THEN insert the instead cup to keep everything in place.

9- Rock your own world! Do your thang for as long as you'd like or at least until you cum. completely optional of course. Feel free to skip this step (or do it twice) whatever floats your boat.

10a- (same group for 8a) Laying down for about 30 min is optional but with the cup you will want to sit up for about 30min so your cervix can dip into the mix and the swimmers can get where they need to be, especially if you skipped step 9. Other than that you are good to go about your day but remember the cup only cups your cervix not actually touches it so much, so you may want to consider taking it easy for about an hour or so if you can.

10b- lay in the hip raised position for about 15-30min so gravity works with you instead of against you. Step 9 could have caused some added natural moisture so keep that in mind when deciding how long to lie down. Hate to lose swimmers just cus you got up too fast. Unless going to bed after about 30 min there is no need to continue lying down but I wouldn't go running a marathon either. Take it easy for about an hour or so if you can.

10c- you've inserted directly onto the cervix you have your cup in and you may or may not have seen stars ;) so other than sitting for about 30 min just so your cervix has some time to sit in the mix you are good to go about your day. I would still take it easy but doing it the "c" way your cervix has already been coated so you don't have to worry about dipping it (sitting or laying) so much. 

From start to finish this should take about 2hrs plus however long step 9 takes. Once you get the hang of it you may be able to cut down on the time some but hopefully you won't get that chance. Also if you purchase your syringes and things while you're charting and tracking you can do a couple mock cycles to familiarize yourself with the process. A mock cycle is basically everything minus the sperm. Practice for the big race so to speak lol. For those using the cups do not leave them in for longer than 4-6hrs. There may be something in the cup after but that's ok. Your cervix can't lick it clean (eww gross visual sorry) and not EVERYTHING ever gets inside the cervix doing an ICI. Once you o the cervix closes.

Super glue sticky baby dust and beans and a H&H 9months to all!    

Tools For Your Box Pt. 2

Ok so now that you've got your cycle down and you're charts together its time to start baby making :D. I will be covering what you'll need/need to do for in-home ICI IUI (interuteral insemination) and traditional baby dancing.

 
One thing you'll need/want to have no matter which way you're ttc (trying to conceive) is an hpt. After that 10+ days wait you'll be glad you have one of these. You can get them at any grocery store but I recommend buying in bulk at www.early-pregnancy-test.com or on eBay. Hpts measure the amount of LH in your urine. Not all tests are created equal; they measure a different amount per test. You can find some as sensitive as 10mlU which is just barely pregnant. Doctors don't even consider you pregnant until after 5mlU. These will have to be purchased online and are fairly cheap. Remember to use fmu and the lower the hcg level tested for the sooner you can test. Wait at least ten days b4 your first test. Also keep in mind hcg levels double ever two days do unless you are using a very sensitive test wait a day or so b4 testing again.


Now for those doing in-home ici something you have to have (unless using a bank) is some form of collection container. You may use a collection condom or sample cup to hold the seamen. Most important is to make sure it is clean.
 

Again for in-home ici as well as ici you will need a needless syringe. This will allow you to get the sperm where it needs to be once collected or taken from the thawed vial.
 

Another good thing to have is a sperm safe lube. I recommend preseed. It's also raved about on many ttc and pregnancy forums. Even if not traditionally baby dancing some women prefer to suck up a little b4 and after the seamen to make sure the not to lose any in the syringe when inseming. This also works great as a normal lube even if not ttcing. You can purchase this at most drug stores as well as online.
 
 
For all of you ttcers these are good positions to bdance and/or lay in for no more than 30min unless going to sleep after. Keeping your hips up helps to insure the sperm gets to where it needs to be. For the traditional ttcers its more important to enjoy yourself and your partner during and just relax in this position after.

Tools For Your Box

It has come to my attention that in this smbc ttc journey there are a few things you should have to get the job done as effectively as possible. Especially if you're doing in-home inseming.

First and foremost you need a tracker for your cycle. With all the smart phones and internet these days there really is no reason not to have one. Even just to know when you'll start. For the purposes of ttc you will want one that lets you add and change data like temps and opks (I'll get to these). I have fertility friend which I recommend for ttcers. Currently I have the free mobile app version and if you learn how to read your chart (it has tutorials and quizes to teach you) you wont need to pay. I will say they offer specials via fb (WWW page only so you'll have to click desktop site at the bottom of your fb menu if on your mobile) and regardless its worth the money if you can afford it. It can be switched to a pregnancy tracker once pregnant as well. It predicts when I'll start but wont start a new cycle until I actually confirm a period. Same with ovulation.

Once you've found a tracker that works for you you'll want to consider purchasing a thermometer. It doesn't have to be a bbt (basal body thermometer/temperature) but it should be digital and go to the hundredth degree (.00). This will insure you get the most accurate change in temp and reading. Bbt is your lowest body temp when resting. You should take your temp everyday (@ the same time) as soon as you wake starting no later than the last day of your period. Record your temp into your chart or at least write it down and the time for later. It is important to be honest with yourself and your chart so try to be diligent in your schedule. Gf will actually graph your temps for you as you put them in so you can see what patterns your cycle may have. Remember to continue temping past ovulation as continuous high temps after the post ovulation spike could mean baby! You can get a bbt from any grocery or drug store. You can temp orally or vaginally but be consistent. One or the other, never both in a cycle and make a note if you switch from cycle to cycle (tho not recommended).


Another thing to consider doing is using opks (ovulation prediction kits). They look exactly like hpts (home pregnancy tests) and are used the same way (peed on or dipped). So for those of you poas (pee on a stick) addicts you'll love these. You should start these closer to your o day and stop once you get a positive. A chart I found helpful to know when to start opks goes as follows: for a 21 or 22 day cycle start testing on CD (cycle day) 5
23 day cycle start testing CD 6
24 test CD 7
25 CD 8
So on and so forth. I have a 27 day cycle so I should start CD 10. If you feel like you've missed it try starting sooner. The cart can be found on WWW.peeonastick.com Something to know is that unlike hpts, opks are only positive if the test line is as dark as or darker than the control line. Opks only detect the surge of LH (luteinizing hormone) not actual ovulation. Once you receive a positive opk you will ovulate 24-48 hrs later. This is the space you should insem in. Opks should be done during the day after you've been up for awhile. Not with fmu (first morning urine) like an hpt. Also keep in mind (if you didn't know) it takes about 12 hrs for sperm to get where it needs to be so for ICI or traditional baby making keep that in mind for your timings. Opks can be purchased at any grocery or drug store but I recommend ordering in bulk online at www.early-pregnancy-tests.com or even cheaper on eBay.

Those alone should help you find the right time to insem and pinpoint your o day. If you don't like these or want to be extra prepared you can also use a saliva microscope. This I've only found online for purchase. What these do is similar to an opk in that they give you a heads up on when you'll o. This will show you the salt crystals in your saliva as they form a fern like pattern called ferning. As estrogen surges b4 you o (much like lh) salt builds in your saliva. What you do is first thing in the morning, same time you temp, put saliva from under your tongue on the scope and let it completely dry. As you get closer to o you will see it start to go from specks to branching to full on fern looking patterns. Then in reverse back to specks. The day of o will be full of ferns. Branching should occur around the same time of your positive opk. Some Scopes are made to see ferning in cm (cervical mucus) as well and others just cm. Again please be consistent the whole cycle and make a note if you switch. I recommend find which works best and stick with it to see the most accurate patterns from cycle to cycle. FF will allow you to enter this data daily into your chart as well as opk results.

Checking cm in general is a good way to help detect o as well. As you get closer to o most women experience increased cm of a more clear egg white consistency.

There are fertility monitors you can buy that do a lot of this for you but they are very expensive. You can get 5hpts 25opks and the microscope all for about 23 usd including shipping. The monitor is around 200+.

To be continued...

Update

So excited! I have found a bank that not only ships to my house but also does not require a doctor.
It is called NW cryobank. I have checked out there forum and connected with real ppl who have used using or considering them. I've heard good things. ;D Hope has been restored anew, thank you God.

I FAX my paperwork today and then I'll just be waiting on the money that's on it's way. I have also found 2 donors and I think I've decided on the winner. Keeping the second as a back up. They are both Chinese and have similar stats.

I will start looking for a job tomorrow and so far the car is holding up.

Light Bulb!

So I recently found out now that I can work again there's no room for me at my job. :( Great!
I cried and got pissed but now, I'm over it. My brain went into planning mode and I have a great idea for what comes next.
I've been wanting to go back working with kids for awhile. I figured I'd see what kinda schedule I was gonna have and work around that but now I can focus on just that. To be honest just the day b4 I found out I admitted I really didn't want to go back to my old job, I've been gone so long (8mo) it doesn't feel right.
Now that I've taken a look at the silver lining I realize I'm being set up perfectly for what I want. I know God will work something out. It looked dark but now I see I was actually done a favor. I didn't know how I was gonna tell my boss I was quitting just 6mo after being back but now I don't have to.
So here's the revised plan (which happens to be easier)...
*get organized
*get a job working with kids (preferably 0-5yrs)
*take care of car and bills
*find where I want to move (need to start making trips to Seymour)
*get into an exercise regiment
*finalize paper work and purchase supplies to start inseminating
*get school in order for Aug '13
*move
*have baby
*live happily ever after :)
Not exactly in this order but that's the gist of it. Some things will be done simultaneously and others need something done first b4 they can be completed. I've been given a huge opportunity here and I plan to take full advantage. My faith has been restored anew and I'm in it to win it. So excited for my (hopefully soon "our") future!
It rained a lil yesterday (Mr X said no, no job), but the sun is definitely out today. Thank you God.

Second Thoughts

Ok originally I was thinking of a white and black mixed baby but lately have been have second thoughts.
What about Asian?...
I'm so mixed I'm really only missing Asian and Hispanic. My cousin is Dominican so why not Asian. I've always seen myself with mixed children honestly.
Including some Afro-Asian baby pics. <3 Adorable!