Reflections

Looking back on my situation, and even just the last week, it’s always a mix of feelings that surface. It’s hard not to feel defeated sometimes. I get little encouragement and feel that I'm taking others lack of motivation into myself. I know what I want to do but it seems like it's so out of reach. I want to start my own jumpstart program for 3mo-5yr olds and be a mom. That's all I'm asking for in my life. I'm trying to keep my head up and stay strong. Even as I type I feel better. It's like with each word my battery is being recharged.
I've been having strange dreams lately. One in particular definitely made me look in the mirror. I've decided that even though what I've been doing may be frowned upon  I can't help how I feel and it’s not me betraying a trust. I'm not proud but I make my choice knowingly. My dream last night about had me in tears. Glimpses of me pregnant of me with my lo of my dayschool of everything I want and no matter how hard I tried to hold on to the pictures and moments they just kept slipping by. I just wanted to escape into them. I know that being pregnant would even make my current situation better but that's not a reason I want to be. What can I do other than plan and wait?