Baby Fever

It seems like its coming early this year. Baby making is indeed in the air. I have two close friends who are 16 and 20wks pregnant. Women on the boards are getting preggers every day and new babies keep being born and fussed over on my fb news feed. I can't stand it, ugh! I'm happy for my friends and all but I want one. With the way things are with the bf I have no doubt that I want him to be the father. I don't like the idea of him raising a child that isn't his but was conceived while we were together. If I had my way I'd be pregnant already. Was supposed to start in December as you know but that didn't work out. Its January and as I come up on my fertile period I can help but feel sad. The fact that it's actually possible to conceive this month and knowing that I won't be is killing me. I'm waiting to see what the bf will decide and praying it wont take long. Things got moved back to March but even that is not soon enough for me.

I know I'm young, unmarried, just starting a relationship, and moving. Reality is not lost on me. I have been playing Mommy in one way or another since I was 7. I lost my grandparents young but unfortunately not young enough to be spared the trauma. My mother is only 4 years younger than her mother was when she died. I can see that she's getting older and tho I don't think she will die soon I still worry about my kids not getting time with her. I'm worried about my miscarriage history effecting my ability to conceive/carry a child. I'm worried about my foot effecting my pregnancy and parenting. I want to have kids while I can and I feel my window (best child baring yrs) are ending. I'll be 26 in less than a month. I've ALWAYS planned on having at least one by now. The kicker; he (the bf) loves touching and rubbing my belly. I want to cry every time cus all I can think is "there's nothing in there". All I can picture is us expecting, me pregnant our hands intertwined over my big pregnant belly. When is it my turn? Sorry for the vent but it looks like baby dust is in the air but again will be passing over me. Lord I'm so tired of waiting.