So Much and So Long Pt1

So much has happened since my last post. Its been a long difficult 3mo. It seems like its been so much longer let me tell you. I'll try to make it quick.

With bf and i both not working for most of that time we were around each other 24/7! Limits have been pushed and we still have our moments but i feel so much better about us. I honestly feel like we will be ok.

Bm still lives with us and even tho she fought it at first it just seems right. Id go into detail but really its in the past and i don't want to unbury any dead issues... She has brought a lot of negativity into our space with her actions but i believe that may be ending now that she's found a stable companion. We will see but for now her waters are calm.

As far as work goes bfs original project fell through then working with my dad wasn't gonna work. Not to mention my dad completely screwed us over...woosa...but bf and i have both found jobs and are very close to getting outta the hole my dad dug for us. Im with kids just like i wanted and he has restarted his production company chasing his dream. We are in good places right now just need our paychecks to start hitting.

With all of the craziness going on we were still ttc. Last cycle Im pretty positive i had a mc as well as maybe Jan (try #1). With that we moved from ttc to ntnp. Trying not to even look at my ff is hard. I haven't recorded anything for this cycle. Ive had some thoughts about not doing this. I am at the point to where i feel like if its gonna happen it will. I want to be a mom but a part of me feels like Im never gonna be the other part is done "trying". Nature will take its course however it chooses. I want to be happy and stressing isn't helping. I've quit smoking and am focusing on what's on my plate right now. Hoping to "forget" about babies and be pleasantly surprised. I know once i quit planning my life around a maybe and fill my plate a little I'll get hit with a baby. Story of my life. Any way that's about the jist of the update. Pt2 will let you know more about the present and what's coming up in the future.