All My Fault!!!

So apparently ® is not only ready but willing and wanting to marry me. This would be GREAT if he purposely hasn't popped the question cus he feels I'm rushing/pushing him. Awesome!! Literally said it probably woulda happened by now if it wasn't for my rushing. I could kill myself. I actually want to quite badly. I'm the single worst thing that's ever happened to me. It's my fault I can't stay pregnant its my fault I'm not married its my fault. Its always my fault. Fuck me! Why the fuck would anyone want to marry me be with me trust me with their child. I'm just want to get it over with!! Fucking shoot me!!! I'm done. I don't care if he asks I don't plan to see my next birthday (20days away) let alone a rest of my life. I genuinely wasn't trying to rush nor push. Its my fault I even fell for all that stuff in the beginning. He made me feel good and I shoulda left it at that. D went crazy because of me and I deserved everything that happened to me. From all of them the rape the molestation the being taken advantage of the pity fucker the groper the playboy the cheating stalker the racist. Michael Davis is my favorite of all. Left me fatherless cus I wasn't enough for him to keep my mother. I was bred for this shit. I purpose is to suffer from my own hand. Its instilled in me to do what my mother should have about 27yrs ago. Abort. I can't be mad at no one but me. The sky really is falling and I hope it hurries up cus I can't take anymore. I'm hopelessly pathetic. People fucking me over, not liking me, leaving me, that's all my fault and the more I try to stop it the worse it is. I'm easy to love cus everyone loves a sad dying puppy. I never should have made it this far. God didn't spare me he's having too much fun watching my movie to kill me off just yet. No one can save me they can only watch me burn.

I am on a clock and time ran out for me a long time ago. RUN! You don't want this. I don't change I don't get better. Know that I love you and you really are my sunshine. No one has made me as happy as you and I'm sorry you ever had to meet me.