I had a conversation with bm and have done a lot of thinking. I don't think many will understand what I've done to get here. To be in love like this, to have a bf, to be thinking about all these things, I had to let go. There was so much that took place inside myself. I was so damaged I had a wall up as thick as the Hoover Dam. It's true what they say about love being one of the most powerful things on earth. It is truly a gift we don't understand and take for granted. I made a huge sacrifice! I let that wall down and opened up completely. It wasn't easy and I'm still scared but I've experienced a joy I beginning to think didn't exist. At least not for me. I trust completely and am excited about the future. I was engaged to be married and trying to have a kid two years ago but I haven't felt this passionate about it till now. Never had to work this hard to wait. Never had someone so on the same level, page, as me. I'm really starting to not care what others think and actually just enjoy living MY life. After everything I've been through, hell 2012 alone, I think its about damn time I get to be happy. It kinda started to seem like everyone was unhappy once I became happy. I wanted to pull my hair out I was so stressed cus I didn't want to lose what I'd found but didn't want to lose what I had either. As time has progressed I've realized if I lost what I had then I never really had it and to lose what I've found would be my own fault. I still have my friends and keeping them happy with my life isn't my job. Its a new concept for me, just seeing what happens and doing me, but its how things should be. Its not all bad, I'm trying to stay positive.
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