Tomorrow

Today things seem to be on a different path than yesterday...

Basically I've been told that despite how I feel where ® stands on the baby mama issue is that he doesn't care. He's tired of hearing about it and will continue not doing anything about it....so either I talk to her or I walk cus I won't be dealing with it. He doesn't want to be the bad guy (even tho she's the only one who'll be mad not to mention he's already the bad guy with me) and thinks she just needs time to get over him. She's not gonna get any time away from him cus she don't want and he gonna give her most of what she want. What I want (which is how most would say it should be) doesn't matter.

On top of finding out that when he said he wanted to be married by the end of this summer November at the latest he mis-spoke. He actually meant engaged. And has no idea when he actually wants to get married. Awesome! We already have rings sized and picked out that altogether are $44. He already said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. So it's gonna take up to if not more than 9mo to come up with <50 bucks and ask a question you already know the answer to? Then who knows how long for the wedding HE wants that's only supposed to be $400 but he's not sure exactly how much in total...what am I supposed to do with that? We're about to sign a 18mo lease and I can't even say we'll be married by the end. That's 2.5+yrs in! 2012 status much? Sounds all to frighteningly familiar.

I am tired of shacking up. I want a husband and a family. I don't want to watch him have basically all that with her and I'm just the roomie he fucks. I feel like he doesn't respect me and doesn't love me enough to actually make the promise. It bothers me the way things are and the only thing I can really do is watch or walk away. He's so confident I'm not going anywhere and I fear if I break that confidence he's gonna just pull out. He says he's not going anywhere...he's changed his mind before. When it changes that's just how things have to be then. He says trust him but I'm too scared. Too much don't add up.

I'm not feeling very confident about tomorrow...

Do I confront the bm...do I let him know I'm seriously thinking about leaving...do I just leave...do I give up and just do what he wants...is this a warning/foreshadowing, a message...is this a test...what am I supposed to do about TOMORROW?