Walk Hard

I guess at the end of the day its his way or the highway. I've been manipulated and lied to to force me to change. Again if anything is gonna budge its me. Why? I get nothing I want or even need for that matter. There's no open book policy, I can't even show affection how I please. Maybe now is the time to truly consider calling it quits...i literally wake up almost in tears thinking about the fact that I'm stuck. I stuck waiting and taking orders. Everything I've said I wanted or felt should happen in this relationship hasn't and won't happen. Its like drew all over again, when it comes to shit that's important to me it doesn't matter. Nothing changes. But I'm the bad guy if I say this is how its gonna be or I walk. He'd just let me walk and be just fine moving on with his life (probably a sign). I'm tired of shacking, I'm tired of being the one that has to jump in line and follow directions. There's no compromise, or even understanding. I don't feel secure or even valued. Love isn't enough for anything to last. Apparently I don't do anything worth compromise, change, or having a say in OUR relationship. He's getting sick of me saying shit and frankly I'm sick of saying shit. Wake up everyday feeling worthless in your own life...you'd say something a lot too. There's no action I can take but an ultimatum and that's basically what I'm in as well as I'm not trying to force his hand. It don't sound right it don't look right it don't feel right, it's not right. But let me not give him something....I don't know what to do, maybe all I can do is walk. I do 80% of the work in this. I take care of us and have from the beginning. Give him almost everything he asks for. I'm good to him I love his kids I even respect his bm despite her not doing the same. I don't get it. He refuses to propose now because I talk about it and money....I get wanting to pay himself for the ring but its not even $50. In my opinion he's late and I'm tired of waiting. He's frustrated with me but has yet to step up. Truth be told I shouldn't marry him as things are now. He needs to start helping me and being an equal partner. He's captain I'm crew...fuck that. To be 100% we in my damn boat and all I'm asking is to be co-captain. I am sick of taking care of you just to have you run me like I'm a child. At least if you were my husband I'd know you're truly committed to me vs now when it's clear the only person you're committed to is you. You're out for number one and I don't even know where I fit on the list. You treat me well and consider my feelings sometimes and want props because you became more tolerant of my emotions. That's what you're supposed to do for someone you love. I'm worth it and frankly being a good man and good person are required to be my man. So thank you but I'm not yet impressed. I give a mile for your yards and I don't see no trophy so don't expect me to be satisfied and forthcoming for doing what you should. I'm being ripped in half and you're too fucking cocky to see cus you just know you're safe. False. Best part, I wouldn't be so marriage heavy if I had help. I'm treating you like a husband but I barely feel like a gf. So I've got my own requirements and if they aren't met I walk. And not to get what I want outta you but to open the door for something else because I deserve more.