I was having a good couple of days but right now I just want to cry. D is hanging out with his friend tonight. That doesn't bother me, what bothers me is that I was hit by a truck and was injured, spent the majority of this yr dealing with that AND having my heart ripped out and treated like shit by D. I've bailed his ass out financially and legally and took the time/made the effort to affect him as lil as possible emotionally. I've been through hell and back and find myself jobless damn near friendless no social life no money still doing everything for everyone but myself and I'm the one broke on a Saturday night bored as hell while D who has it so easy and deserves nothing he has is living it up. It's not fair. Why isn't karma kicking his ass? He's spoiled selfish ungreatful immature lazy irresposible untrustworthy unreliable and greedy. I'm none of these things yet its like he f**ks up and I get his consequences. I'm paying for his mistakes. I'm the one he screwed over hurt betrayed lied to tortured (the list continues) why am I being punished and him rewarded? I sacrifice (give him his way) just to make my life a lil easier and he won't even do what he's supposed to let alone anything extra that might benefit someone other than himself. I feel like had I died instead of just been hurt by this time my mom would probably be the only one who still thought about me. Well and D but mostly cus he'd finally realize all that I actually do. Sorry for the rant/vent, pms is starting and honestly I think I could be mildly bipolar. The better the day the harder the fall the next. Most days are neutral but ups are always followed by Downs and Downs always take time to get back neutral.
Thanks VAL. Sometimes it sucks but yeah I think its a pretty good plan too. I'm moving soon and that cuts my stress back a lot.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you! I was injured and have a lawyer but nowhere close to as severe as you were. I still have days of complete frustration where I am angry as hell that she followed me so closely for 10-15mi and then rear-ended me. My insurance kicked in that day, obtained with maternity benefits because I was planning to get pregnant back then. Every period and every ovulation has been a painful reminder that I have real pain and cannot go about making my biggest dream come true. This has been due to upcoming tests and even my donor working, being sick or just hating women that day (b/c of his ex of course) It's been a long road. I hope the physical pain is relieved Monday when I get two injections so I can get on with the important things.
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