Friday, January 30, 2015

1/19/15 Do Us a Favor

Finally  got over something just to have it come back worse. Couldn't you have just been genuine and love me? Why'd it have to be some sneaky sly shit that you tried to take back after it was too late. Why cant you just leave me alone. I'm tired of constantly wondering what's going on, how you feel. I end up just stuck waiting cus not even god wants what I want. When its all said and done I'm just gonna be alone with nothing. Be patient... What the fuck for. Sometimes I just want to end it so I'm not so stressed out anymore. No body cares about me but me so just let me be. String me along for what? If you wanted to you would so clearly you don't want to so just go. Why are you still here? Do you like hurting me? You want a wife and all this stuff and I barely feel like a gf. I don't want to give myself away for nothing anymore. Why do people think its OK to do this to me. I'm always making mistakes, never doing anything right. I'm trying so hard to live a life I want and like but I can't do it by myself and no one wants to do it with me. My convictions, my beliefs, the path I want my life on, none of those things matter not even to me cus I'll compromise it all just for someone to stay. My heart is broken, my trust betrayed, and clearly not all ends are tied. I'm so tired for being the bad guy for being emotional or thinking. I'm tired of hurting. Can no one love me like me? No one understands or they don't care. Why would they?

(to self) Its all your fault. You let people treat u however hoping they'll love you more when really it just makes you unworthy of their love and affection. Why would anyone want a door mat. Hell you were raped cus you quit fighting, who would want that. Who would want you? That love me crying shit is why no one wants you now. Even a piece of shit like drew didn't want you. You should definitely be alone. Go do the world a favor.

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